Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Obama Announces new bailout plan for MLB

During the 2nd inning of the MLB Allstar game President Obama unfurrled a new plan that he said would "save Major League Baseball". Obama cited falling attendence and the high price of beer at game for reasons of instituting his new plan. "I went to a Nationals game last week and it was terrible. I don't know what I was offended more by, the fact that the Nationals didn't get a runner past 1st base or that I had to pay 8 Dollars for a glass of beer. Americans deserve better than this." The new bailout plan centers around D.C. area team that is locally known as the 'Nats' or the Nationals. Obama says that "it has been way too long since the Nationals won a game and that just doesn't fit into my vision of the American dream". Obama said he was working a a bill that would grant the Nationals upwards of 15 Billion dollars to sign a new player. "It would be great for baseball to see the Nationals compete on a day to day basis. If Alex Rodriguez can avoid any suspensions for steriod use in the future, maybe they can use the 15 Billion to sign him to a 1 or 2 year deal and they can get back on their feet." Obama also noted that it would be terrible to see the Nationals end up like the Montreal Expos. "We need to show those Canadians how to support a failing baseball team", a visually flustered Obama stated.
Obama also said that The Nationals would use part of the bailout money to build a bigger stadium for the struggling franchise. "Not many people go to the games right now and although adding more seats may not be very logical, it will definitly look like I am concerned for their success."


  1. I hope this was a joke...seriously? 15 BILLION dollars? Good thing his vision of the "American Dream" doesn't put that money into something stupid like...oh, I don't know, education or something.

  2. DJ, where did you get this information? Jon wants to know.