THANK YOU BOBBY!

Checking out the scene in San Fransisco

Well since the Braves are playing the Giants this week and even though the game will be in Atlanta, I thought I'd let everyone know what's going on over in San Fransisco after prop 8 was repealed.

"Next." 

Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license." 
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones." 
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance." 
"Yes, we're brothers." 
"Brothers? You can't get married." 
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?" 
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!" 
"Incest?" No, we are not gay." 
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?" 
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects." 
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman." 
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?" 
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. 

Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?" 
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson." 
"Who wants to marry whom?" 
"We all want to marry each other." 
"But there are four of you!" 
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can truly enjoy all the benefits of a marital relationship." 
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples." 
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?" 
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere." 
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. 

Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license." 
"In what names?" 
"David Deets." 
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself." 
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?" 
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"


My apologies to the person on a random message board that posted this. If you happen to read this you deserve all the credit.

Braves look to fill holes before July 31st deadline

Marlins Outfielder Cody Ross

If the Braves don't find a better option in center field before this weekends trade deadline you should probably expect Greg Norton to teach Nate McClouth how to strike out with the bases loaded and one out to give the guy behind you a chance to get a hit. Just sayin'.
The way I see it the Braves have two holes they need to fill by week's end. First, Since McClouth is clearly not the go to guy in center field that needs to be filled. Second with Jesse Chavez and Kenshin Kawakami just taking up space in the bullpen and Eric O'Flaherty struggling with some arm strength issues, I think it is safe to say we'll need another reliable arm in the bullpen. So to fill these needs I think the Braves have three different options.
Option 1: Trade for a center fielder and fix the bullpen with talent already in the organization. The two best options at center field were Cody Ross of the Florida Marlins and David Dejesus of the Royals. Since Dejesus is likely out for the season with an injured wrist, that leaves Cody Ross. As of today the Braves interest in Ross is minimal and it's easy to see why. With the Marlins not yet out of the playoff race they haven't started selling so what they would ask in return for Ross is just too high a price for the Braves to pay. Many reports state that the Braves currently have enough top notch arms in their farm system that they could get anybody currently on the trade block. The problem is none of top guys is a center fielder and so I don't see Wren pulling the trigger on this option. UPDATE: Fukudome of the Cubs might also be a good option since the Cubs are willing to offer cash considerations on any trade. But once again Fukudome isn't really a center fielder and we already have enough corner outfielders.

Option 2: Trade for a bullpen fix and fill the center field spot with some combination of Melky Cabrera and Gregor Blanco. Right now trading for a bullpen fix won't be very effective because the going price for middle relief is way too high. The Braves aren't looking for a top notch closer or setup man so it wouldn't be smart for the them to give up their high end talent for a middle reliever.

Option 3: Fix both problems from within the organization. Unless a top notch outfielder becomes available very soon, this seems to be the most viable option. So how we gonna do it?

Talented Lefty Mike Minor

    Bullpen fix: The Braves could promote top prospect Craig Kimbrel to fill the bullpen roll or more likely Stephen Merek who has a 0.60 ERA through 45 innings at the double and triple A levels. If Wren chooses he could also place put Medlen back in the bullpen and promote prospect Mike Minor into the starting rotation. I like this option because it would fill the bullpen whole and add a much needed left handed pitcher into the rotation.

I think that either Gregor Blanco or Cabrera could fill the gap in center field. Blanco has the potential to do what Martin Prado did for the Braves last year. But I'm not sure that Frank Wren is willing to take that chance. If a top center fielder comes on the market at a reasonable price I think Wren will make the deal and fix the bullpen with what we already have. However if nothing becomes available then I could see Wren sitting on his talented arms and fixing things with what we've got.

Top 10 Reasons Soccer is Lame.

I guess this isn't really Braves related, but with the fifa world cup coming upon us I thought I would, in the words of Bill O'Reilly, bloviate just a bit. So for your enjoyment or perhaps possible outrage here is your top ten reasons soccer is lame.

10. Soccer is just plain gay. Not gay like Michael Scott uses the term. Gay like a bunch of guys running around doing girly things with other guys. http://www.theonion.com/video/soccer-officially-announces-it-is-gay,17603/

9. Let's face it soccer is full of a bunch of first class floppers. If I see another guy roll around on the field like he's just been shot, only to jump up and start running around as soon as he's carted off the field, I might just roll around on my couch until my wife calls 911. Maybe they'll take ME to the hospital where I won't have to watch another soccer game. Just sayin.

8. Tie? Yeah they still have those is soccer. It's like kissing your sister, you can try and argue that both parties win and you can even give them each a point and say "good job". But we all know that when you kiss you sister, NOBODY wins. Please soccer get rid of ties! That way we won't have to watch South Korea stick all their players on defense and hope for a 0-0 tie.

7. Soccer Fans. Yes, soccer fan's suck. Why can't you just let me hate soccer without trying to tell me how I would LOVE soccer if I only understood? Just because everyone else in third world countries has nothing better to watch, that doesn't mean that I don't. Enjoy your 0-0 ties and you once a millennium goals but leave the rest of us to our real sports.

6. "Soccer is just a bunch of guys running around trying not to touch a polka dot ball with their hands". Soccer is full of metro Europeans with fohawks and bleached hair. Most of these guys could take a lesson from Brad Paisley's "I'm still a guy".

5. Off-sides penalty. Before you tell me that football has an offsides penalty also, let me tell you that the two offsides penalties are nothing alike. In soccer the offsides penalty is given during LIVE action. Imagine a touchdown pass getting called back because the receiver was ahead of the quarterback when he threw the ball. That's the offsides they are calling in soccer.

4. They run around for a couple hours and NOTHING happens. The most exiting thing in soccer is when someone almost scores. When the players run around like they just wont he world cup every time a single goal is scored, you know there isn't enough scoring going on.

3. Did I mention you can still tie in soccer? Enough said

2. A lot of people don't know this but if the US and England had tied their last games with the same goal differential they would have broken he tie with a simple coin flip. Seriously soccer!? Seriously? I don't think I even want to go into how ridiculous it is that in the biggest tournament in the world is decided by goal differential but a coin flip? WOW...

1. Zero. That might also be the final total score to most soccer games, but that's not what I'm talking about here. Zero is actually the number of rule changes or innovations that soccer has made since its inception like a thousand years ago. Imagine the NBA still using a peach basket for a hoop. As the Gatorade jingle goes "if you want a revolution the only solution: EVOLVE". Soccer refuses to do this and so nobody in the US wants to watch. Many could say that it is popular all over the world so who cares? Well FIFA should, it's largest fan base lies in third world countries where innovation and ingenuity is obviously lagging a bit behind.

Patience is a Virtue

So is hanging in there. They say good things come to those who wait. Baseball fans, especially, know this. It was only last Saturday that I sat complaining to my wife that every time I got to watch a game the Braves lost. Only one week after watching an 11-1 loss to the bitter end, I found myself elated with the joy of a walk off Grand Slam, the third walk off hit in as many days.
After the Braves lost 11-1 I thought I should probably spare other Braves fans and not watch any more games. I was convinced I was cursed. This was a bit superstitious but superstition is another word that baseball fans understand particularly well. The worst part of watching the 11-1 loss was actually the fact that I was unable to watch the game before (another walk off win) because I was blocked out by MLB.com. Of course the next game was on Sunday and I was faithfully attending church (texting google was my trusty score updater) so I didn't watch Sunday's game either. What was so significant about Sunday's game? Well my Braves won 13-1. It seemed like I hadn't seen the Braves score a run in a week but every time I couldn't watch they scored in droves.  So I faithfully tuned in on Monday before FHE hoping to see some of this Braves offense that I had some how managed to miss all season. Anyone who has watched a tragic comedy would know what happened Monday. We only mustered two runs and squandered a very good start by Derek Lowe and lost 2-3. Tuesday's game started out very similar but had a very different ending.
Kris Medlen, starting in place of injured Jair Jurrjens, matched Met's ace Johan Santana pitch for pitch only giving up 2 runs in 6.1 innings. But the magic didn't descend on Turner Field until the bottom of the ninth. With runners on 1st and 2nd with nobody out, Melky Cabrera attempted to bunt the runners into scoring position but was unable to. So with two strikes he laid down the perfect swinging bunt and after a Met's error the Braves walked off with a 3-2 win. For Braves fans, it would only get better.
After witnessing two straight walk off wins, the third being the most dramatic and improbable I've decided I don't have the right to complain about missing out because I got to see one of the greatest and most improbable comebacks in the history of the Braves. My dad on the other hand missed all three nail bitters and only caught the highlights. I don't think he'll give up any time soon though. My dad knows about waiting for good things. He watched 10+ miserable years of baseball in the 80's then watched the worst team in baseball in 1990 only to enjoy an NL Championship in '91, a walk off single by Cabrerra in '92 for another NL Championship and a World Series victory in '95 all in the midst of 14 straight Division championships. So he knows about hanging in there. He knows good things come to those who wait.

Chips and Salsa for the Season

Figuratively I've got my chips, salsa and my Dr. Pepper just waiting for the season to start. Literally I've got my MLB.TV premium package ready I won't have to miss a single game. OK let me retract that last statement. I'll probably miss at least half of the 164 games or I may not have a wife by the end of the season.

Since most of you don't have a job that allows you to peruse the internet machine for Braves tidbits during the off season, I have decided to put together a brief rundown of what you missed. This should bring those of you coming out of baseball hibernation up to date.

Acquisitions:

Troy Glaus: Glaus is a power hitting first baseman who is coming off of some shoulder problems. If he can overcome his injuries he will be a more than adequate first baseman who can hold down the fort until prospect Freddie Freeman is ready to take the job. We need Glaus to show some power and take some of the pressure off of Chipper and McCann.

Eric Hinske: A bench player who has some big shoes to fill as a pinch hitter. Everyone knows how well Norton did as Bobby's go to guy. Hinske will really have to pick up his game if he expects to come anywhere near Greg "Mr. Automatic Strike-out" Norton's impressive 20 Strike outs in 76 at bats. Seriously though, Hinske is a proven winner that should turn out to be a very good pinch hitter/bench player.

Melky Cabrera: Not too excited about this guy. We picked him up from the Yankees in the Vasquez trade and if Heyward does as he is expected then Cabrera looks to split time with Diaz in Left and maybe play right field if the Braves are facing a tough left handed pitcher.

Takashi Saito: Japanese relief pitcher that should take over the job as set-up man. He posted a 2.43 ERA last year with the Bo-Sox in 55 innings. He is one of the guys that we picked up this year that make our bullpen extremely deep.

Billy Wagner: This guy doesn't really need any introduction. What I will say is this: Close your eyes for a minute and imagine any one of our starting pitchers get through six innings. Peter Moylen can take over the 7th then Saito in the 8th and Wagner in the 9th. Having these guys in the bullpen gives Bobby Cox a lot of leyway in later innings. If he wants he can save Moylen and just bring him in when he needs a double play.

So those are the guys that we gained, so who did we lose?

Javier Vasquez: Huge loss, we're really going to miss this guy. Chipper made comment that he was still holding out hope that the Braves will be able to sign Vasquez at the end of 2010. Here's to hoping.

Soriano and Gonzalez: Tough to take the loss of these guys but I think overall our bullpen was significantly upgraded even with the losses of our 8th and 9th inning guys.

Adam Laroche: Man I really like this guy and I wish he could have ended up in a Braves uniform. He was fun to watch and I wish him all the success in the world next season. The Braves would have had to pay him around 4 Million for a 1 year deal (which is what the D-backs got him for) if they would have wanted to keep him. For a comparison they are paying Glaus half that for a 1 year deal.

What to watch for?

Jason Heyward: Most of you have probably heard about the net that they put up at the Braves' spring training complex to protect the cars while Heyward is batting. That should get you excited enough to tune into a spring training game or two to watch this kid. Most people don't want to mention Albert Pujols when making comparisons with Heyward, but he has the ability to make that kind of an impact.

Tommy Hanson: Hanson looked good in his first spring game today and will look to avoid a sophomore slump this year. I'm going to make an early prediction and say that he will be in the Cy Young conversation at years end.

Kris Medlen: Medlen has some really good stuff and I'll look for him to be a go to guy for Cox in late innings this year.

Jair Jurrjens: He was experiencing some discomfort in his throwing shoulder but all indications are that he'll make his first start of the season when he is supposed to. I don't think there is anything to worry about and I expect him to have another stellar year.

Lastly this is Bobby Cox's last season as manager. He has had a wonderful career and he will be missed. I've got to believe that Braves' players will be giving a little extra each day to make sure their beloved manager goes out on a high note.

Here's a little something to keep your tongue wet until opening day:

So with the bases loaded, two out, and the season on the line, Atlanta manager Bobby Cox called on little-used Francisco Cabrerato pinch-hit for Jeff Reardon. With only 10 at-bats all season to prepare for this moment, Cabrera slapped a single to left. The first run scored easily to tie the game. Then Bream, the former Pirate, came lumbering toward the plate from second. The game came down to the injury-riddled legs of Bream vs. the Gold Glove arm of left fielder Barry Bonds.

Bonds fired home to catcher Mike "Spanky" Lavalliere, who grabbed it and applied the tag. Not in time. Bream slid in safely, sending the Braves back to the World Series. Atlanta would miss the playoffs only once the rest of the decade. The Pirates haven't been back since.

Never too early Atlanta Braves Preview: Pitching

Pitching wins Championships

The first four starters listed (and maybe even the 5th) aren't really going to be in any particular order because anyone of them could be the #1 starter depending on who the Braves sign in the off season. If Hudson gets signed (and it looks like he will) then the Braves will either let go of Lowe or Kawakami. I would like to see them unload Kawakami as Lowe's dip this year goes against the rest of his career and I think he will be a front line starter again next year.

1. Jair Jurrjens: Jurrjens followed up an excellent rookie season with an even better Sophomore season. Jurrjens was great down the stretch as he won the NL pitcher of the month award in September. I've got to believe Jurrjens would have been a front runner for the Cy Young award if he would have gotten any run support at all. Nonetheless he posted 14 wins and had an ERA of 2.60.

2. Tommy Hanson: Can't say enough good stuff about this kid. He's got a really bright future and will front line this staff with Jair Jurrjens for a long time. These to kids will take the Braves to the playoffs like Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz did in the 90's. Hanson's season was definitely worthy of ROY honors with an 11-4 record and a 2.89 ERA. He would have benefited a lot from a little run support also.

3. Javier Vasquez: 15-10, 2.87 ERA. Great veteran leadership in the clubhouse to go along with his more than stellar season. One of three Braves starters with ERA's under 3.00. A little more support from the offense and he could have easily been in contention for the Cy Young Award also.

4. Tim Hudson: Right now there is no reason to believe Hudson won't be in a Braves uniform in April. Hudson looked really promising in his final starts of the season after coming off a year of being out from Tommy John surgery. Anyone would love to have this guy as there #4 starter.



5. Kenshin Kawakami/Derek Lowe: Although I would love to see KK shipped off and Lowe in a Braves uniform, I've got to believe that we'll ship Lowe to someone like the Yankees or Red Sox and keep KK as our 5th starter. Either way that is a heck of a 5th starter to have. If Lowe does end up staying all 5 of our starter could be aces on any other staff. WOW.
Outlook: The Braves have the best pitching staff in baseball, hands down. With or without Lowe. This team will win the division even if they don't change their lineup at all. They were one of the best team in Baseball post all star break and they will continue that trend next year. Predicted Finish: 1st

Diaz still undecisive about going home.

Matt Diaz recently answered questions from reporters following the Braves devastating loss where Diaz was thrown out at 3rd base ending the game and the Braves bleak hopes of going to the playoffs. When asked about the vital decision the Braves outfielder said that he was still unsure as to whether or not he should run towards home plate or 3rd base. Diaz, who was just recently a hero in Atlanta's 5-4 loss on Tuesday night, was also having a hard time adjusting to his new role of "the goat". After speaking with reporters Diaz was injured in a collision with Martin Prado because he could not decide whether to exit through the front or back doors of the locker room.

Braves find themselves just 3.5 games back

With 10 games to play in the 2009 season, the Braves find themselves just 3.5 games back of the Rockies for a wild card spot in the playoffs. So what would have to happen for the Braves to make it? Well the Elimination # is at 7 right now so that means any combination of Braves losses and Rockies wins will eliminate us from contention. So if the Braves go 9-1 from here on out then that would mean we just have to hope the Rockies go 5-4 in their remaining 9 games. That's not all that unlikely. Now if the Braves go 8-2 (we are 8-2 in our last 10 right now) then we just need to hope the Rockies go 4-5 (they are just 4-6 in their last 10). The Braves finish off the season with 7 games against the Nationals and 3 against the Marlins. The Rockies on the other hand have 3 games against the Cardinals, Brewers and Dodgers. The Cardinals and the Dodgers have locked up Division titles but are both fighting for Home field advantage in the Playoffs so they will be a tough match up for the Rockies. I will have my permanent rally cap on until we make the playoffs. GO BRAVES!!!!!!!

COX: First Place a lock if Met's were in first.

In a recent interview with a local newspaper, Atlanta Manager Bobby Cox was asked about the Braves chances at winning the division. After mumbling something incoherant he replied that "This thing would be a lock if the Mets had managed to be in first place." Cox, apparently referring the the Met's uncanny ability to choke down the stretch of a pennent race was somewhat cocky when talking about the odds that they would finish ahead of the Mets.

News Flash:

Last Thursday before the series with the Dodgers, I said that how we did against them would be a measuring stick of sorts for how good they really are. Well this just in: THE BRAVES ARE GOOD. We've always known that we have the horses in the starting rotation to get to the playoffs and win. Now we have to offense to match it. Now with Infante back and Johnson hitting well we have possibly the deepest bench in the majors. All we have to do now to get better is get rid of Greg Norton. I have seriously yet to see the guy get a hit. I know he got a couple last week cause I read it in the box scores, but I have watched a lot of games and I have only seen him strike out. Jurjjens, Vasquez and Lowe all have better batting averages. I would love to see Conrad back up in the Majors. We don't have to send Norton to AAA we could just make him a bench coach or something.
So here's my prediction for the Phillies series: SWEEP BABY! That's right we're going to roll this weekend taking three from the struggling Phils. We'll be just a half game out of first and from there I don't think we'll look back. It will mark the end of the Phillie's season and the beginning of the Braves Playoff run. GO BRAVOS!

Garret Anderson signs shoe deal with Nike

Sources close to Anderson have confirmed that the 37 year old outfielder has finalized a deal with Nike for a new shoe. The shoe is rumored to be called "Air Moses" and is fitted with Dr. Scholls Tri-comfort orthotics. The shoe is epsecially designed for older players who don't run very fast. Nike spokeswoman, Ann Kositchotitana said in a statement that "Garret Anderson is the perfect guy for this shoe. He's old and he's slow and people know it so when other senior citizens see him wearing our shoe and playing profesional baseball they might think 'I can do that too' and that is the goal we have here at Nike." Other players who are rumored to have signed a deal with Nike for the same shoe are Bobby Abreu, John Smoltz and Vladamir Guerrero. Nike also said that they would have signed pinch hitter Greg Norton but they were under the impression that he was a coach and not a player.

A few jokes to ease the pain

Just thought I would try and ease the pain of last nights game. I had an erie feeling that the announcer had just jinxed us when he said with runners on 1st and 3rd that "The only way the fans won't get to see Manny (Ramirez) is if Ethier hits into a triple play or he hits a home run." Unfortunately for us it was the latter. I think quick enough to knock on wood or maybe I could have prevented the disaster, who knows. Any way I don't think it is to far off to say that the Dodgers were extremely lucky last night. Their first 2 runs came off botched plays and hit and runs where balls when through holes vacated by fielders who were moving to cover a base. Pierre's hit was a swinging bunt down the 3rd base line the Furcal reached on a high bouncers that went through the hole left by LaRoche holding Pierre on first. The Braves deserved to win that game, but it doesn't always work out that way so here are a few jokes to brighten up the morning.

What is the lowest point in the U.S.A.?
-Greg Norton's batting average

A few weeks ago Bobby Cox pulled Soriano after having the walked the first 3 batters he faced. When he got to the dugout he threw his glove down and started cussing. Moylen asked him why he was so upset and he replied, "Cause the idiot pulled me when I had a no-hitter going".

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life,she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

It was so foggy today that the Nationals couldn't even see who was beating them.

One morning in elementary school, the students were going to a geography class. The teacher wanted to show the students where cities and states are.
The teacher asks the class, "Does anyone know where Pittsburgh is?" Billy raises up his hand and says, "Yeah, Pennsylvania!". The teacher replies, "Very good, Billy!, now can anyone tell me were Detroit is?"
Suzy raises her hand and says, "That's in Michigan!" The teacher again says, "Very good."
Trying to confuse the children, she now asks, "Where's Kansas City?" Tommy raises his hand and says, "Oh Oh Pick me!!!, I know?" The teacher says, "OK, Tommy where is Kansas City?"
"Last place."

What is the difference between Rafael Soriano and UPS?
UPS knows how to throw a strike.

Here's to hoping today's game goes a lot better than yesterday's.

This Day in Braves history, Tommy Hansen, The Dodgers, and a picture for my sister.

This day in Braves history: Hammerin Hank Aaron hits 2 home runs and breaks Babe Ruths record for most home runs with one team. His second home run comes in the 10th inning to give the Braves a 4-3 win over the Reds. Lets hope that is an omen for today and the Braves can get a needed victory against the Dodgers.

Speaking of a victory, Tommy Hansen looked impressive for most of his start yesterday until he gave up a 2 run shot in the 6th and started to get hit pretty hard. At one point Hansen struck out 4 batters in a row and 5 out of 6 batters overall. Hansen improved his record to 6-2.

Just a fleeting though with a playoff like series with the Dodgers coming up, if I were to pick my starters for a playoff series here is how I would go. Game 1: Javier Vasquez, Game 2: Jair Jurrjens, Game 3: Derek Lowe, Game 4: Tommy Hansen, Game 5: Vasquez, Game 6: Jurrjens, Game 7: Lowe.

I realize that I am not starting Lowe in game one, but this rotation allows him to start a possible game 7, which is where I think Lowe would really shine.

When I was thinking about the upcoming series with the Dodgers, I first thought that it was a must win series and that we had to go 3-1 in LA or we would slowly fall out of the playoff race. But I think that a split would be just fine. The Dodgers are the best team in baseball right now, and we just need to prove we can hang with them. We aren't as banged up as we were last week when we faced off in Atlanta so I think we will be just fine. Our schedule is actually very favourable over the last few weeks of the season and will work to our advantage. That makes this weekend series not much more than a barometer of how good this Braves team is. That having been said, a getting swept would obviously be a huge blow, and barring some sort of miracle I do think that would throw us out of playoff contention. If we can catch fire and pull of a sweep of the vaunting Dodgers, then I think that would be enough to propel us into a nice playoff run.

Padres Manager Bud Black accuses Diaz of 'hustling' his pitchers.

In a press conference following Tuesday's game, Padres manager Bud Black accused Braves' outfielder Matt Diaz of 'hustling' his pitchers. "I'm not sure what's going on," Black said, "The first couple of pitches on every at bat it looks like he's not even trying. He takes such a wild cut that I think he is just going to take a token 3rd strike swing and head to the dugout. I think He's just baiting the pitchers into throwing a fast ball right down the middle of the plate, then wham he hits a home run or something." Diaz denied the accusations later saying, "I just like to take a ridiculously huge cut on the first couple of swings to kind of get my arms loose. I'm not baiting them into throwing a fastball or anything like that." Diaz also said that it would not be possible for him to warm up while in the on deck circle so he would be ready when he got to the plate because he spends that time chatting with fans and trying to convince them to vote for him in next years All Star game. Padres pitcher Tim Stauffer said by telephone that "Diaz is definitely hustling us out there. How else would you explain those three pitch at bats where he is swinging at a pitch in the dirt while simultaneously heading for the dugout?"

Umpire makes surprisingly good call, sources say.

3B umpire Gary Darling made what sources said was "a surprisingly good call" on a close play at 3rd base on Tuesday night during the Braves vs. Marlins game. Darling deflected the praise as usual. "My job really isn't that hard", the humble Darling said following the game , "all I really have to do is pay attention to 3B, and every once in a while I get to watch that long white line that goes clear out into the outfield to see which side the ball lands on." Fellow umpires were quick to give Gary credit for the highlight. "You don't see good calls by umpires that often so when a guy like Gary is able to come in make a descent call that everyone expects, well that just shows us that maybe all that hard work spent at the MLB umpires camp last winter really was worth it." said fellow crewman Bill Hohn. Hohn, who is known for his beautiful mustache, also made a halfway descent call in the game. When home plate umpire Jerry Meals was asked about the incident he complained saying, "I would have made some good calls at home like say on balls and strikes, but I have this stupid mask on my face and I can't really see all that well." Other umpires were quick to accuse Darling of taking performance enhancing drugs. One umpire who asked to remain anonymous said, "I think it's pretty obvious that Gary is taking something, it's just not possible to make that kind of a call in a game." Sources close to the umpires union say that if Darling is indeed using performance enhancing drugs then, "his chances of making the umpire hall of fame may be in question". This after his good call on Tuesday was sure to have guaranteed him a spot on next years ballot.

Local Girl calls recend trade "rude"

After being informed of a recent trade between the Atlanta Braves and the New York Mets, local resident Ashleigh Kaiser responded by saying that the trade was "rude and not very nice". Kaiser continued, "So what he just has to leave and go to New York right away? That's just rude." A source very close to Kaiser also confirmed that she did indeed compare the players to "slaves because they are owned by the team" until she learned that the players involved in the trade make a lot more money than her. "I still don't think it's very fair," Ashleigh continued, "They don't even have a choice." After being questioned about the incident, MLB commisioner Bud Selieg told reporters that "If we let players choose where they played no one would play for the Nationals or the Mets, and we would probably have a hard time fielding teams in places like Toronto or Denver, people just don't want to live there." An MLB spokesman has stated that dispite the discontent of trades not being fair, MLB will continue with it's current trading setup.

25 Dead in Mass Suicide police say

At least 25 people were found dead in there homes Thursday evening following the Braves loss to the Giants. Police chief James Conderson said that "We believe these suicides have something to do with last weeks suicides following the loss to the Rockies." Conderson continued saying that "It had been a while since Moylen had pitched and so there hadn't been any recent suicides in the area." Jenny Palacio, wife of suicide victim Johnny Palacio, said that her husband shot himself before Moylen even threw a pitch, "I just heard him yell 'What Moylen? What is Cox thinking? Then I heard the gunshot", Palacio stated.

Despondent Lincecum found in Atlanta area restroom

A visibly shaken Tim Lincecum was found by police in an area bathroom stall late Wednesday night following the Giants 4-2 loss to the Braves. Police say that they recieved a call from Gina's Diner at about 11:30 pm local time from an upset owner because "someone was making weird noises in the stall next to him." When Police arrived the Giants' pitcher was curled up in a ball repeating between sobs, "But I haven't given up a home run to a right hander in over 175 innings!" Lincecum had also unexplicably shaved the entire left side of his head. When asked about his missing mullet he started crying as he explained that he had missed the team bus. "I was just trying to find my way back to the hotel when everyone started making fun of my hair", Lincecum told reporters. Tim was taken to an area hospital where he will try and recover from his 3rd loss of the season.

Hanson the next "Ace".

After striking out a career high 11 batters in 7 innings of work, Tommy Hanson's fastball is officially un-hittable. OK so I'm drooling a little bit. Seriously though, it was fun just to watch him challenge the Giants' hitters with his fast ball all night long. Then after settling down and throwing strikes, his slider got down right nasty. This got me thinking, Is Tommy the next Atlanta Braves Ace?

First of all, it's an understatement to say that Hanson came out of no where. The Braves drafted him in the 22nd round of the 2005 amateur players draft as a draft and follow player. This allowed them to hang on to his rights up until a week before the following draft at which time he could enter the draft again or sign a contract with the Braves, but no other team could try and sign him or "tamper" with him. The rest is history as Hanson dominated the minor leagues in the 3.5 seasons that followed, compiling 463 K's in 389 innings. For those of you that are "mathematically impaired" that's more than a strike-out per inning. Those are definitely numbers more fitting of a 1st round Draft choice and not a 22nd round choice. Somebody deserves a big pat on the back for finding this diamond in the rough, but somebody else deserves a swift kick in the butt for not finding him sooner.

So I think that yes Hanson is going to be an ace, but he's not the next one as Jurrjens may have already beaten him to that post. Tommy came up to the major's this year touted as the organization's #1 pitching prospect and he has not disappointed. He actually reminds me a lot of a young John Smoltz who took the Braves from worst to first in the 1991 season. Expect Hanson to co-anchor a young pitching staff that includes Jair Jurrjens and Kris Medlen, sometime in the near future. Braves fans have a lot to look forward to with this young core of excellent pitchers. Hanson will defiantly be an ace in the coming years, if he isn't already, but don't expect him to be the only one as it is more likely that this staff will be reminiscent of the Glavine-Maddux-Smoltz days. OK now I am really drooling.